Four years ago today I married the person that I honestly feel like is my other half. We finish each other’s sentences, we laugh together, we cry together, and we don’t like each other. Ok, now if you think you read that wrong go back try again, yes I said we don’t like each other, but we LOVE each other. We have a relationship that is far from perfect but I feel in my heart that is why we work so well together. He is stubborn, I’m stubborn, and I’m the only person who will not back down from him when we disagree. Who cares if he is 6’3″ and I’m only 5’4″ I’m stronger than I look. So I thought this anniversary I would celebrate by starting a multi-part series on relationships and me.
At the end of the day no matter how much we dislike each other, we both agree we would rather be no were else than each other’s arms drifting off to sleep together. He is my husband and my best friend, and he completes my life. So that all sounds wonderful and 1/2 of you reading this now hate me. Well let me burst your bubble relationships are harder than raising children, and believe me mine is far from perfect and I didn’t even get it right the first time around. That’s right this is my second marriage, but feels a million times better for multiple reasons than my first (we will leave that for another part another day). In addition to that there are days that we just can’t deal with each other and we do our own things, guess what we are better for it!
We as human beings need to be able to know we can do things on our own, and I think many of us sacrifice that freedom when we get into a relationship. We want to be with this new person in our lives 100% of the time and if we are not we question why we are not. Did we do something wrong, are they with someone else, if I text am I being too clingy? So many questions we all will ask in this situation. The thing is you were fine without them before they showed up and you can be fine without them moving forward with them. You are going to come across things that you don’t both like and that is fine. You both need you time as much as you need together time. When I first got married I gave up so much because I thought I needed to dedicate 100% of my time to him, guess what all that ended up doing was making us both drift further apart and not like each other even more. Now we try to balance our together time with our separate and it works much better, even though there are days that I am just super needy!
I have three wonderful kids and it’s so simple if they make me mad or hurt my feelings it can be as simple as saying they are grounded and send them to their room. You can’t do that with a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, partner etc. unfortunately you are really going to have to talk to each other! Yes actually talk and identify that if the talk is becoming an argument you both just need to walk away and think about it on your own. You also have to be willing to open yourself up and become vulnerable. You have to accept that you are both not going to agree on every single thing, and that sometimes you have to simply agree to not agree and move on. You also have to come to an understanding that there are just certain things your never going to get each other to do. For example I hate laundry so 90% of the time my husband does the laundry. He hates dishes so 90% of the time me and the kids do dishes. I could argue and tell him we need to share more but why create a problem. We simply do what we like the most and try to cover it as much as we can.
So while I cannot predict the future I hope that my relationship continues for the next four years and even more beyond that. In reality I will take it a day at a time, live in the moment and enjoy it when I can. Stay tuned for part 2 coming soon.