I have struggled like so many others with my weight my entire life. I’ve never been at a single point that I have been happy with my weight. I blame that not on only an unrealistic body type that society reflects is acceptable, but more so on my inability to realize that I have beauty inside and out no matter my size. My lack of realizing my own beauty and worth comes from many years of being told I was “fat” and that no one would ever love me by someone who was controlling and hurt me. I am glad to say now days that I don’t have that same view on myself.
Even though my view of myself has never been the greatest and I am still working on me, I never have been one to judge someone based on their size. When I meet someone or see someone I don’t see their weight or size. I see their personality. There is a human being behind that physique. They can be 300 pounds or 90 pounds it doesn’t matter to me. I want to know the person and what they have to share in their mind. Each individual out there has their own struggle and you have no clue what this is. Judging someone by their weight is quite simply shallow, and quite hateful to be honest.
There are so many companies that photo-shop people to the point that we see an unrealistic image of them. So in our heads they are perfect, but in reality they have cellulite and wrinkles and may need to even lose 20 pounds. I hear all too often the phrases he/she is so fat and even he/she needs to eat a cheeseburger and gain some weight. These things anger me, it is so harmful to a person to hear this things because guess what they start to believe them. Instead I wish I could hear more phrases like: cute shirt, nice hair cut, or even have a great day! These people no matter what their size or circumstance deserve to be loved and happy just like anyone else!
I’ll be honest when I use to go out all the time I would sit and get depressed because I thought girls half of my size were prettier than me, and they got all the attention. They had all the sexier clothing and good-looking guys on their arms. At the same time I could see someone similar to my size and see that they were also so much more beautiful than I was. The problem I was having wasn’t that I was weight envious, I was personality envious! These women were appealing to me because they were happy and smiling and it made them beautiful inside and out. I didn’t have that I looked in the mirror and all I could see was a fat girl who would never be loved and was frumpy.
My self perception was so skewed from years of emotional abuse that I couldn’t even begin to fathom when I met my now husband how he could look at me with such love and intent and exclaim how beautiful I was. All I could think was this guy must be desperate or needs his eyes checked. Five years later I am slowly starting to get a slight glimpse in my life of what he has seen from day one. He has never looked at my weight as my beauty, he saw something in me that was beauty.
Today I can stand and say my weight does not define who I am. I am working on getting my weight where I would like to have it, but not because I am fat. I working on my weight to feel better and be healthier. I have a positive outlook on things and life for the first time in a very long time. I have a purpose and a passion that I have never had before. Keto started as a diet for me and has now changed my life and introduced me to so many new people who have turned me in a completely different direction. My new lifestyle is one of positivity and encouragement. One where I want to help anyone I can be a better them in any way!