struggles

I’m Only Human

Happy Thursday fellow readers. I hope everyone has been having a wonderful week. I unfortunately have let my madness consume me this week. Which brings me to today’s topic. I am only human.

When I write to my readers I want to be able to give you 100% of my attention and make sure that the words I am sharing with you are coming from not only my heart but also from my knowledge base, and this week I could not offer that to you. So I chose to be away a couple days and work on my head space. Sometimes life just grabs you and decides to throw you for a few loops, and those loops may be fun and exciting or plain out frightening. In my case this week it has been a jumble of the two. I have some exciting things coming, but I can’t quite share yet. I’ve also had a lot of stressful and bad things going on as well. All of that all at once and my body feels like I have been in a blender for a few days.

I am proud to say that for the first time in a very long time I did not turn to food to find comfort. Generally I would have dove off the deep end and binged until I was miserable. Instead I took on a fasting challenge and I stuck to it. I also didn’t veer from my keto/carnivore food items. I am glad I stuck to my guns on this because as much as stress is a trigger for a binge for me I know that in the end it just makes me feel even worse in the long run. Then I end up feeling guilty and wanting to punish myself. So this time around I get a pat on the back for being strong.

With everything that was going on and the toll it took on my body I haven’t even had an opportunity to take in a yoga class. This actually makes me sad as I was finding my way into something that my body was loving and it was opening up to thinking more deeply and more clearly. So I plan to get back on that horse as soon as possible. I feel that the further I dive into my yoga experience the more open I will be and the more I will be better equipped to handle weeks like these.

This week has also been a testament to how important it is to surround yourself by positivity as much as you can. I don’t have a close circle of friends that I can turn to always for support, so by seeing others successes I am able to use that as a fuel to realize that my struggle is temporary and there is a bright light at the other side. I just have to keep pushing toward that and never give up. I will never get were I want to be if I give up.

So I ask you all to forgive me for my absence and know that I have new material up and coming. Sometimes we just need a break to be human and I needed that this week. I needed to be vulnerable and deal with my head space so that I could come back and give you all 100% of what you deserve. So until next time …. What’s your confession?

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Monday Madness (publication #14)

Welcome back to another publication of Monday Madness. Not much madness here this Monday morning, but it’s another chance to have another great week. Last week was super busy, stressful and dis-heartening. So I have high hopes that this week will not be like that.

I really struggled last week and I am struggling writing this today. I wish that everything was 100% positive all the day and I could just share those moments, but that is not real. Life isn’t perfect and it is not always positive. I have been struggling to get my head above water and find that positivity. I even took a break from social media the majority of the weekend.

One thing that has been effecting me horribly is my sleep. I am just not sleep well at all. When I get stressed and life throws rocks at me my sleep suffers. I have learned that my optimal range of sleep is no less than 7 hours a night. I have not been getting anywhere close to that for the last 2 weeks, and it is taking it’s toll on me. I just feel ran down and tired, and I am almost positive that a big portion of that is due to cortisol spikes.

I have also been struggling with binge eating a lot in the past week. I wanted to find comfort so I turned toward my old friend food. Now I by no means went carb crazy or dove off the deep end, but I did eat way past my satiety level. A couple of times to the point that I gave myself a stomach ache. I am very depressed by the fact that I let this happen, but I also know it will help me heal to share with you and others that my struggles are very real.

It has also been almost a month since I have weighed and measured, and boy do I wish I would not have. I have gained four pounds and 6.25 inches back. That is a hard pill to digest when I was losing quite regularly and still have quiet a bit of a ways to go as far as loss is concerned. Now part of that gain could be muscle which is good. So I had to keep telling myself yesterday that the scale is evil and not to give up, because boy did I want to give up. I am glad to say I didn’t and while I did overeat yesterday, I am 20 hours into a fast today and feeling pretty good about it.

I’m battling a lot of inner demons right now in my personal life and it is just like all the flood gates came open at once and I’m drinking more water than I am treading. I have to take time for myself in the next few weeks and really start to learn how to better deal with my stresses. I also think I need to revisit what I am eating and how I am approaching things. I feel I am venturing too far away from my comfort and what makes me happy, what was working for me. I need to search for my bigger why.

No matter what my inner demons are doing to me I refuse to give up. I will never go back to a high carb lifestyle. I have cured too many things by giving up carbs. I just have to find the right things for me and the right people to keep me motivated toward my goals. Next week will be my one year Keto anniversary, and I plan to celebrate every pound I have lost and every disease I have cured. I promise to give my best self to all of you, but also promise to keep it real and show you there are struggles for all of us along the way. Until next time….Keep Ketoing On!

Vending Machine Blues

Good Morning fellow readers! I hope everyone has been having a great week so far. Surprisingly my week hasn’t been too chaotic and I’m mostly recovered from my little weekend getaway. Today I wanted to talk about something that drives me insane…Vending Machines! We have vending machines everywhere at work and some days it is like the devil looking me straight in the eye and saying one little snack won’t kill you.

For those of us who have ever experienced emotional eating woe’s you know how challenging a vending machine can be on a bad day. I stare at our’s at work almost daily when I make my coffee and sit and wonder if a cookie or chip would even taste enjoyable. Then you add in all the work stresses and home stresses and you start to think just one  would make my day a little better. The truth is though that thirty seconds of feeling better would be followed by hours of guilt and a day of misery from what it would do to my body. Yet the vending machine remains and I go through this mental cycle over and over again and again.

Vend SnackI am Proud to admit that I have never broke down and actually used the vending machine , but it is always a temptation. There are so many things packed into it that I used to love to snack on, but now I can’t and in all honesty I don’t want to either. Our vending machine it work is actually saddening as one of the slots is alka-seltzer. It’s like here eat a twinky and wash it down with some fizzy acid relief.  They even started adding in some “good” for you protein snacks, unfortunately they are still processed and loaded with sugar. Then the soda machine is just as evil all on its own, but they make it seem better by adding in an extra row of waters and giving you plenty of options for sugar free with poison sweeteners added.

I’m sure we have all noticed that shopping centers do the same thing. The entire checkout area is polluted with soda’s, candy bars, cookies, chips and cakes. So much junk food staring you in the face as you check out. After you stare at it while you wait you only want it more. It’s like temptation and sensory overload! It doesn’t phase me as much now, but when I first started Keto it was torture. So much un-healthy food in one location you don’t even have to try to find it anymore. I remember a time when junk food was in one aisle of the store not canvassed everywhere. It says a lot about us and our eating habits and it is so sad to me now that I see what those foods did to me. It also makes me wonder how many people when checking out that are diabetic get tempted and take the risk of harming themselves by just grabbing one of those snacks.

I would love to be able to have a healthy option for a vending machine. I would be willing to pay the extra for the ability to have a snack I could actually eat, or even a can of sparkling water to drink. Instead I make sure I pack such things from home and if I forget I live with the notion of knowing it’s going to be a long day. It would be so nice to have something at the checkout that I could grab when in a hurry. Instead I have to plan around everything and make sure I can get to foods I know will sustain me and not poison me. I have to spend extra time reading labels so I know what I am putting in my body won’t harm me. I use to think beef jerky was a good go to at the register, but the vast majority are loaded with so much sugar. So I hope that as the word gets out about the benefits of Keto and other similar diets that we start seeing positive changes in the near future, and begin to see healthier whole food options readily available. Until next time Keep Ketoing On!